Thursday, June 10, 2010


The first matches of the World Cup are tomorrow!  Hooray!  This does, however, present me with a couple problems.  First, I will have conflicting tv schedules.

Most mornings, Elliott takes a nap while Lydia watches Dinosaur Train.  Throughout her life, Lydia has tried on a number of different tv shows.  Dora sucks because everybody shouts, and the only Spanish you learn is journey-related.  Kai-lan sucks because it is Dora, except you learn Mandarin instead of Spanish.  Elmo sucks because it's Elmo.  Mickey Mouse's Clubhouse is terrible, although it is tolerable only because Mickey always talks about his mouse-ke-tools and I always think, "You're a mouse-ke-tool."  Then I chuckle to myself.  But even this doesn't make it watchable.  Dinosaur train, though.  Come on.  You learn about dinosaurs, eras in earth's history, kindness, trains.  Come on.  Dr. Scott the paleontologist seems really friendly (I'd hang out with him.  Whenever the other guy tells the kids sobering facts like, "Fact: Dinosaurs did not play ice hockey," or "Fact: Dinosaurs did not put on acrobatic shows," Dr. Scott seems as disappointed as the kids and adds some other fun fact that cheers the kids up.  Plus he's a snappy dresser).  

Anyway, most World Cup matches will be in the morning, which means they will be on during Dinosaur Train.  On one hand, I want to be a nice dad and let Luda watch her show.  On the other hand, it's the freakin World Cup.  It comes only once a fourth-year (that's not a real expression).  Ultimately, I will watch the matches.  It will be a great opportunity to teach Lydia that sometimes we have to set aside what we like for other things that are much greater, even if we don't understand them or appreciate them.  Plus, Luda's good at asking questions about sports.  She loves watching basketball with me (although she cheers for the Lakers...boooo!  I think it mostly has to do with their jersey colors (and no, I do not believe this has to do with her gender (more on this in a future post).  At three years old, what other basis would she have for selecting a team?  Although it would be impressive, I do not expect her to say, "I'm going for the Suns because Steve Nash is a stellar role model in a league of selfish players, and the team has fantastic chemistry."))  So this will be great chance to teach her about soccer.  Hooray.

Other dilemma (you forgot about that, didn't you?)?  Some experts suggest that children Lydia's age shouldn't watch more than two hours of tv in a day.  With halftime, that's only one match.  Once a fourth-year and I'm supposed to prioritize one match per day?  That's not happening.  Good news, though.  A greater expert, page 2 writer Cam Martin said that sports don't count as tv-watching for kids.  I trust that (that's the good news about the internet age.  You can always find someone who will say what you want to hear...or maybe that's bad news.  I'm not sure).  

So we'll go with that.  Whatever I need to justify watching a crap-ton of soccer over the next month, right?

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Stay at Home? Dad!

I sort of hate idioms.  I know (know? aren't you begging the question?...we'll get to that) language is relative, so I should embrace them.  For instance, I feel like I constantly hear people say, "...which begs the question..."  They mean it leads to the question.  Begging the question is a logical fallacy in which an unproved conclusion serves as a premise of an argument (such as stating that knowing language is relative as a premise instead of a conclusion).  Upon occasionally correcting such misuse, I have been told the incorrect use is an idiom, and I should get over it.  I know what you're thinking now.  "Since language is relative, in universe Z47, 'begging the question' was never a logical fallacy.  It was always another way of saying 'which leads to the question.'  Therefore you need to get over it."  No.  We are not in universe Z47.  We are in universe D286, which is a universe where begging the question is a logical fallacy.  The point of language is communication, and if I can't refer to an extremely well-established fallacy without the risk of equivocation, then there's no point to language.

What's the point, you ask?  A common expression for those of us who don't work so we can take care of our kids is Stay-at-Home Parent.  For me, this is a major misnomer.  I hate staying at home.  I don't hate hanging out with my kids.  But we always go do stuff.  It doesn't matter what.  I would literally volunteer for anything to avoid being stuck in the house.  For instance, if Erika called and said, "The Ministry of Health called and they need a family representative to go do our family's annual rectal exam," I would immediately volunteer to be the family representative.  It's something for us to go do.  I understand that this phone call would only take place in some sort of Orwellian dystopia (and even in that case, I'm not sure what purpose one member of a family representing their entire family's rectums would serve, but nightmarish future governments rarely make sense anyway)(also, how did Orwell get a corner on the dystopian reference market.  1984 is rad, but there are lots of other great works of a similar nature.  I've never heard a reference to a Huxleyian or Gilliamian (which sounds awesome) future.  It must be an American thing, because we're so afraid of communism.  Plus, how does it always refer to 1984?  What if I said Orwellian dystopia and I meant a future where animals ran the government?  I would have to explain myself, which defeats the purpose of such an expression.  Sheesh), but if it did, I would do it.

Here's the problem.  I don't know what to do with my kids when we just hang around the house.  I could teach them things, but I think that's best left to the suits in Washington.  So we go do stuff.  In the Denver library system, you can request items and have them delivered to your nearest branch.  Instead, we go to whichever branch where the item lives.  It's something to do.

I also don't enjoy "Full-Time Parent" because it implies that parents who work are not full-time parents.  My proposition?  Unemployed parent.  I know this doesn't work for parents who work part-time or something, but I don't.  I don't have any responsibilities other than my kids and the kitchen.  So that's it.  I'm an unemployed parent.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


Here's a new blog for you to possibly enjoy.  For about a year now, I've been hanging out with my kids.  None of us have a job, so we play together.  Perhaps you might dig some of the things that happen, and I will share them here.

I don't enjoy exposition, but this is the first post, so I can deal with it.  Why in your face!?  Because I don't have a job (I feel like I already said that) and I just hang out with my kids (4 realz, am I repeating myself?). So I want to rub it in your face how hilariously radical my life is.  Sure I'll complain on here, but ultimately things rule.  Plus, exclamation points rule, so I used one.  I'll probably use a lot!  Because they make you feel like I'm in your face!  Now you're thinking, "If you're going to use e.p.'s (that's hip slang for exclamation points.  I learned that from one of my most street-wise students (bt dubs, these parentheticals are not your thoughts.  That's why they are in parentheses)), why don't you grab the bulls by the horns and use ALL CAPS?"  Because I hate all caps.  I used to hate exclamation points, but I changed my mind!

Also, some people don't put their kids' names on their blogs for fear of something (I have no idea what).  This makes their blogs sound like they were written by robots (which they will be eventually.  It's only a matter of time.  (Speaking of which, I'm sort of looking forward to the robot uprising.  Sure it will end in the enslavement or elimination of the human race, but at least robots are sweet)).  Well, I'm not afraid (of sharing my kids' names, not the robot uprising.  I thought I made myself clear on that).  This isn't the Ancient Near East.  My kids are Lydia and Elliott.  I might put some pix on here, but I might not.  I guess we'll have to wait this one out.

So that's it.  I'll probably have a combo of anecdotes and ruminations.  So check me out!  I'm blogging again!  Which means I think I have something to say!  I probably don't!  But I'm doing it anyway!  With exclamation points!